Tag Archives: Humour

November 5, 2024 · 7:00 PM

Blast from the Past: Excuses for Missing a Day of Work

The Sunday, 14 April 1994 edition of the Washington Post held a contest in which readers were asked to come up with excuses to miss a day of work. The results will bring a smile to your face!

•If it is all the same to you I won’t be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

•When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can’t get off the john, but I feel good about it.

•I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled-up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

•My stigmata’s acting up.

•I can’t come in to work today because I’ll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

•I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet…

•I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.

•Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won’t be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I’ll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

•Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

•I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn’t come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

•The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won’t bite things when I am startled.

•The dog ate my car keys. We’re going to hitchhike to the vet.

•I prefer to remain an enigma.

•My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.

•I can’t come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

•I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

•I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

•I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.

Just for Fun: Maintenance Complaints & Replies

Here’s another gem from my recently re-discovered “bits & bobs”: These are actual maintenance complaints submitted by USAF pilots and replies from maintenance crews:

Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Problem: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.

Solution: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

Problem: Something loose in cockpit.

Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.

Problem: Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.

Solution: Evidence removed.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

Solution: That’s what they’re there for.

Problem: Number three engine missing.

Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

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Filed under Cartoon, History Undusted, Humor, Just for Fun, Military History

Tagged as Air Force, Humor, Humour, Just for Fun, Maintenance Complaints, Maintenance Replies, Military, Problems & Solutions, USAF

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Just for Fun: 100%

Norman Doors (Counter-Intuitive Designs)

I’ve written before about Donald Norman and his book, “The Design of Everyday Things”; he emphasizes the need for products to have user-centred designs. The term “Norman Door” comes from the typical example he uses about doors – an everyday item that can often lead to confusion for the user simply by putting pull handles on a push door.

I was thinking about it this week, wondering what the opposite term should be, as I was opening a container of whipping cream. The tetra package for whipping cream is a prime example of a poorly designed item for me: It inevitably oozes out while I try to rip it open along the perforated line. If they made the perforation easier to tear or put a scissor symbol making it clear that that would be the preferred method from the outset… but no. Other items that come to mind are the flip-tops of products, such as hand creams or shampoos, that nearly require a knife to open. What happens? You simply stop buying that product, which might be perfectly fine, because of the poorly designed packaging.

Tell me your ideas for a good term for bad designs – something catchy and catch-all (Norman Doors refers to doors only, but so far it’s worked in a pinch). In the meantime, here are a few examples of non-user-centred designs.