Good intentions of writing a blog this week went out the window when temperatures soared to mid-30s Celsius (which, local microclimate-wise, is high 30s into 40s); it’s simply too hot to focus right now… I know what I want to write about, but heat-induced brain fog is real!
So in the meantime, I’ll leave you with something just for fun!😉
Filed under Humor, Images, Just for Fun
The Sunday, 14 April 1994 edition of the Washington Post held a contest in which readers were asked to come up with excuses to miss a day of work. The results will bring a smile to your face!
•If it is all the same to you I won’t be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
•When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can’t get off the john, but I feel good about it.
•I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled-up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
•My stigmata’s acting up.
•I can’t come in to work today because I’ll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
•I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet…
•I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.
•Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won’t be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I’ll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
•Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
•I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn’t come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
•The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won’t bite things when I am startled.
•The dog ate my car keys. We’re going to hitchhike to the vet.
•I prefer to remain an enigma.
•My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.
•I can’t come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.
•I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
•I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
•I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.
Filed under Humor, Images, Just for Fun, Lists
Here’s another gem from my recently re-discovered “bits & bobs”: These are actual maintenance complaints submitted by USAF pilots and replies from maintenance crews:
Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
Problem: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
Solution: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
Problem: Something loose in cockpit.
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.
Problem: Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.
Solution: Evidence removed.
Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That’s what they’re there for.
Problem: Number three engine missing.
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Filed under Cartoon, History Undusted, Humor, Just for Fun, Military History
Recently, my office got an upgrade, my “office” being in our home library. I got a larger desk, and in the process of moving the old out and the new in, I took the opportunity to do a bit of “house cleaning” – sorting through papers, a notebook full of articles, and bits and bobs I’d kept over the years for teaching English to adults (I was an active EFLA teacher for more years than I care to calculate!). One of the papers I came across was the following; I knew I needed to share it because it always gives me and my husband a good laugh. I don’t know who originally wrote this, but it’s genius!
Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time limit: 4 hours. Begin immediately.
HISTORY: Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific.
MEDICINE: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze and a bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes.
PUBLIC SPEAKING: 2,500 riot-crazed Aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.
BIOLOGY: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.
MUSIC: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.
PSYCHOLOGY: Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man’s work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.
SOCIOLOGY: Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.
MANAGEMENT SCIENCE: Define management. Define Science. How do they relate?
COMPUTER SCIENCE: Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial decisions, assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals, each terminal to activate your algorithm; design the communications interface and all necessary control programs.
ENGINEERING: The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.
ECONOMICS: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist controversy, and the wave theory of light. Outline a method for preventing any negative effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.
POLITICAL SCIENCE: There is a red phone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.
EPISTEMOLOGY: Take a position for or against the truth. Prove the validity of your position.
PHYSICS: Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of any other kind of thought.
PHILOSOPHY: Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its significance. Compare this with the development of any other kind of thought.
GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.
EXTRA CREDIT: Define the universe; give three examples.
Filed under Humor, Just for Fun, Lists, Writing Exercise
People’s creativity in seeing the world with a sense of humour is a beautiful thing. One form that creativity takes is memes – images with superimposed texts. Antique portraits – paintings from artists of the 18th and 19th centuries – have regained popularity through their use in what I refer to as vintage memes.
Here are a few that somehow hit a funny bone in me; I hope you enjoy them, too!
Filed under Humanity Highlights, Humor, Images, Just for Fun
I’m curious to know how many of you who read this have had Covid once or multiple times. If you’re okay with sharing that, please comment below.
I first had C-19 from March 2020 to November 2021, so “Long Covid”. Since then, I’ve had two other strains, and continue to have what I refer to as “flare days” – those days when energy suddenly takes a nosedive, joints ache and a splitting migraine suddenly shoots up from the base of my skull (and no medication has ever made a dent in those headaches – they’re 24 hours long).
It’s difficult to know if those tiny little viruses have just made my immune system oversensitive to winter bugs, or if it has to do with other health issues, but whatever the cause, I’ve been sick for 3 weeks flat. I’ve spent most of my time and energy coughing and breathing. Before it began, I had half of an interesting blog written, and I will post it as soon as I have energy enough to focus on research and complex thoughts again.
As you can imagine, being sick over Christmas and New Year put a damper on social engagements; fortunately, we didn’t have many appointments to cancel. Our Christmas was a quiet one; my husband and I exchanged gifts, but this year we did something different: We re-gave gifts. In the past, for instance, if we received several books at Christmas, we might not have had time to read all of them; I chose a few books I knew my husband would enjoy and dropped them into eco-friendly cloth gift bags (I made a variety of sizes that we use instead of wrapping paper). It was fun to see what each other chose. My husband raided my craft room and gave me random craft items! We enjoyed the fun, without the need to find, buy and add new items to our home.
I hope you had a healthy and happy Christmas and New Year’s Eve / Day! I hope you’ve not had the “winter visitor” of flus, bronchitis or Corona (other than the Mexican beer kind!), and that you stay healthy through the rest of the wintery season (if you’re in the northern hemisphere – if you’re in the southern, enjoy the warmth before your rainy season kicks in!).
I will post as soon as I can finish the article! In the meantime, just for a smile:
Filed under Humor, Just for Fun, Musings
Stephanie Huesler 
Just For Fun: Beware of Zombies
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July 17, 2024 · 6:52 PM