Comprehensive Examination

Recently, my office got an upgrade, my “office” being in our home library. I got a larger desk, and in the process of moving the old out and the new in, I took the opportunity to do a bit of “house cleaning” – sorting through papers, a notebook full of articles, and bits and bobs I’d kept over the years for teaching English to adults (I was an active EFLA teacher for more years than I care to calculate!). One of the papers I came across was the following; I knew I needed to share it because it always gives me and my husband a good laugh. I don’t know who originally wrote this, but it’s genius!

Comprehensive Examination

Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time limit: 4 hours.  Begin immediately.

HISTORY: Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific.

MEDICINE: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze and a bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes.

PUBLIC SPEAKING: 2,500 riot-crazed Aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

BIOLOGY: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.

MUSIC: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

PSYCHOLOGY: Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man’s work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

SOCIOLOGY: Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.

MANAGEMENT SCIENCE: Define management. Define Science. How do they relate?

COMPUTER SCIENCE: Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial decisions, assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals, each terminal to activate your algorithm; design the communications interface and all necessary control programs.

ENGINEERING: The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

ECONOMICS: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist controversy, and the wave theory of light. Outline a method for preventing any negative effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.

POLITICAL SCIENCE: There is a red phone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.

EPISTEMOLOGY: Take a position for or against the truth. Prove the validity of your position.

PHYSICS: Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of any other kind of thought.

PHILOSOPHY: Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its significance. Compare this with the development of any other kind of thought.

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

EXTRA CREDIT: Define the universe; give three examples.

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Etymology Undusted: Catch-22

The idiom “Catch-22” comes from a book of the same title by American author Joseph Heller (1923-1999). The term originally referred to a military rule whose provisions are mutually frustrating. Heller used Catch-18 instead of Catch-22 when the first chapter of his book was originally published in 1955. He changed it by the time the entire book was published in 1961 because his publisher had already published a book that year with “18” in the title (Leon Uris’ novel, Mila 18). So in 1961, the phrase Catch-22 first appeared. It was first used figuratively in 1971 in Atlantic Monthly magazine. As far as the form goes, it is usually hyphenated and with a capital C, as that is the way Heller originally wrote it.

Since the author’s first usage of the idiom, it has taken on a life of its own: Today, its broader meaning is a paradoxical situation from which an individual cannot escape because of contradictory rules or limitations. It has also been used as a mnemonic for the symptoms of DiGeorge syndrome.

One particular quote from Heller is thought-provokingly insightful: “Everyone in my book accuses everyone else of being crazy. Frankly, I think the whole society is nuts – and the question is: What does a sane man do in an insane society?” In a way, this is perhaps an example of a Catch-22 for the sane person: If they stay in an insane society, they may lose their sanity; but by leaving such a society, they throw away any chance of bringing it back to a state of reason. Social and political polarisation are both poisons that infect society.

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History Undusted – The Tactile Language of the Quipu

Throughout history, languages have come and gone; an estimated 30,000 have existed at some point in time, though currently, there are roughly 6,000 to 7,000 languages in use – and most are threatened with extinction. Think about that. The impact on the loss of cultural history, connection to ways of thinking, ways of communicating, and ways of processing information; senses of humour, and national heritages will be lost.

An example of a language nearly lost, but which is now familiar to most of us by sight, is the logogram language of Egyptian hieroglyphs. The knowledge of how to interpret the symbols had been lost for centuries, until 1799, when a stone was found near Rosetta, along the Nile Delta in Egypt; the stone was a stele with a decree issued in 196 BC; the texts carved into the stone were Ancient Egyptian (“demotic” text), hieroglyphs, and Ancient Greek. Because Greek was a known language, they could use the Rosetta stone to decipher the forgotten languages.

When we think of writing, we may think of various alphabets: Greek, Roman (of which English makes use), Norse Runes, or the logographic or ideographic languages of Asia, such as Chinese or Japanese, or the cuneiform writing of the Ancient Near East. But did you know that there have been languages based on string?

Quipu in the Museo Machu Picchu, Casa Concha, Cusco. Source: Wikipedia

The Inca people, in the region of modern Peru and Chile, used knots on an elaborate system of connected strings or cords for collecting data, keeping records, recording taxes or census records, making calendars, or for military organisation. When the Spanish Conquistadors swept through, they found numerous bundles of strings, but had no idea of their significance; they destroyed many of the quipu*, not realizing that they might have held in their hands a record of an individual’s wealth in animals or crops. [*Quipu is the Spanish spelling used in English; it is also spelled khipu or kipu.] Other cultures have also used similar concepts with knotted strings to record information, unrelated to South America; these include China, Japan, Taiwan New Zealand, Hawaii, and other parts of Polynesia.

As with most textiles, they unfortunately didn’t stand the test of time very well, and only a fraction remains today. The ancient world may have taken the concept of the quipu one step further in creating the more flexible abacus, though the latter was (and is still) used for temporary calculations, while the former was rather for recording information. Whether or not there is a historical link, both are visual tools that can be used for similar functions to a certain extent.

Even with such widespread use of these knotting records, their meaning was nearly lost, until a Harvard student, Manny Madrano, had time on his hands one summer and solved a centuries-old mystery!

For an interesting video on this topic, please click here. I hope you’ve learned something! Keep being curious about our fascinating world!

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Nature Undusted: The Phenomena of Ghost Lights

Pixar’s “Brave”, showing will-o’-the-wisps.

Back in January, I wrote about the phenomenon of the Hum, something that occurs around the world.

Another global phenomenon is that of “ghost lights,” also known as fata morgana, mirages (both inferior and superior), will-o’-the-wisps, fairy fires, or ignis fatuus (“foolish flame”).

I grew up in a climate zone with hot, dry summers and wide, flat highways that stretched to the horizon. On a hot summer day, you could see the cab of a semi-truck floating mid-air for some distance before you actually saw the truck finally touch the ground. Sometimes the highway would look flooded – this kind of water mirage is also a danger in desert regions. Death Valley is dangerous, not only because of the heat but also because of disorienting mirages.

Ghost Lights can have a variety of natural causes: methane gas combustion or other organic decay which can cause photon emissions (these lights often appear over swamp or boggy areas); light refraction in certain atmospheric conditions that cause the lights of cars on distant roads or firelights from campfires to “float” midair (like the semi-truck cab above); it may also be caused by the bioluminescence of various micro-organisms and insects.

Here are a few well-known lights:

Marfa Lights

Hornet Spooklight

Gurdon Light

Brown Mountain Lights

Hessdalen Lights

Min Min Light

Naga Fireballs (Thailand)

Palatine Light

Paulding Light

Chir Batti

St. Louis Ghost Train (Canada)

 plus many more!

For a fun dive into these phenomena, the Why Files has a video covering the topic (the actual content starts at 4:15); I enjoy his videos because the author in me likes the way he sets stories up as real – as if reporting facts – before he debunks them or offers probable explanations. While he knows that many people likely believe in the stories he eventually debunks, he goes about it in a respectful, tongue-in-cheek way.

For a shorter video on the topic, Joe Scott has an interesting one.

Have you ever seen any of these lights, or experienced mirages? If so, please tell us about it in the comments below!

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Filed under Articles, History, Links to External Articles, Lists, Nature, Psychology Undusted, Science & Technology, Space, Astronomy, YouTube Link

Just for Fun: Vintage Memes

People’s creativity in seeing the world with a sense of humour is a beautiful thing. One form that creativity takes is memes – images with superimposed texts. Antique portraits – paintings from artists of the 18th and 19th centuries – have regained popularity through their use in what I refer to as vintage memes.

Here are a few that somehow hit a funny bone in me; I hope you enjoy them, too!

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Yuka: Shaken Awake

All of us can relate to having some form of ruts in our lives: Favourite meals, restaurants, seats in places we visit often, clothes we prefer, products we buy, food brands or makeup brands (if you wear it); all, patterns of movement or place or things. Recently, I heard of an app that made me curious to try it out; when I did, it was an eye-opener about how many things I use that I’ve taken for granted that their claims are accurate – I know that’s naïve, but part of that naivety is that greatest of marketing tools, willful ignorance.

Case in point: Speaking to the women out there, you probably have favourite makeup products or brands that you’re used to. But what if you found out that half of their ingredients build up in your system, damaging your liver, your thyroid, and the environment? That’s exactly what I have learned lately, and it’s shaken me awake: the app I cannot recommend highly enough is called Yuka. If I had known years ago what I know now, perhaps I would still have a thyroid; tumours put an end to that several years ago – but I can prevent further damage to my body by being aware of what’s in a product and buying safe alternatives.

The app works like this: You scan a product’s barcode – anything from food items to makeup to body products such as shampoos and hand creams; the app then ranks the products on a set list of 100 points and tells you whether it’s excellent, good, poor or bad; it then lists the ingredients and gives you the option to read more about each one, ranking the ingredients (colour-coded) as hazardous, moderate risk, low risk, or risk-free. If the products rank as poor or bad, below them will be a list of alternative products, with their rankings and ingredients for further information. The recommendations are unbiased as they are not supported by any company. The app also keeps a record of products I’ve already scanned; if I’m at the store, and scan products I don’t buy because of their rating, I can then delete one or several items from the list to keep it streamlined to my products/foods.

There are things that this app is NOT: It is not a substitute for medical or nutritional advice; it is not the be-all and end-all for telling you what to buy. But what it IS: A good guide to weighing the benefits vs. the disadvantages of using one product over another. Some of my products may clock in as “poor” – but when I consider why that rating is given, I may decide to continue its use until something better becomes available in my area.

For me, I’ve found that one ingredient pops up in most makeup and hair products: Phenoxyethanol; it is listed as a potential endocrine disruptor, potential allergen, and irritant. In the EU its use in cosmetics is regulated – but not in the USA or in Canada. In itself it may be within regulatory limits in a product; but accumulatively (several products, from shower gel to lip balm to foundation) it exceeds the limit and becomes a health concern. Knowing this has helped me find new, healthier products. Even within a product range, the ingredients may vary; for example, one lip balm may be good, but another colour of the same brand differs to produce the colour or gloss and ends up being listed as bad. Honestly, I won’t buy a product now without knowing it’s healthy. It’s not that I can’t and won’t think for myself and let an app tell me what to do, but I can use it to weigh a decision.

This past week, I wanted to find a lip gloss to replace the one I’d been using which was marked as “hazardous”; but the store I was in didn’t have customer wi-fi, so I bought a small Vaseline, thinking, “This has been around for ages, so it must be simple and safe”. Wrong. When I got home, I scanned it: Petrolatum is the mineral oil used, which has a moderate risk with a big BUT: this oil may contain problematic residues, such as MOAHs (genotoxic carcinogens which promote cancers and damage DNA) and MOSHs (these accumulate in the body, particularly lymph nodes and the liver). These oils should be avoided, especially in products that may be ingested… such as lip balms (and these two residues were present in half of all tested lip balms!) So now, that little jar is in my craft room to be used as a lubricant for my tools.

We all need to take steps to protect ourselves; big companies are not putting customers first, but customers’ wallets. If we don’t shake ourselves awake and work against our own willful ignorance, we shouldn’t be surprised when health issues pop up; but who would associate lip balms and blush and hand creams or canned foods and pre-made packaged food with those bigger issues? We need to start looking into it for our own sakes.

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Obscurities: Whilom

This word is doubly obscure, at least for me: Whilom (c. 1200), means having once been; former; once upon a time, erewhile, or at times past. It comes from the Old English hwilum, meaning at times, and is related to today’s while. It is doubly obscure for me because it has a similar formation to an equally obscure German word, weiland, meaning formerly, of yore. This German word is related to the modern weil, which is a false friend to the English word; the German word means because. The relation between the two is not a far stretch, as because implies that something happened in times past, once upon a time.

What do you think? Should we bring back whilom? I think, at any rate, we should start using of yore every chance we get!

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Filed under Etymology, Grammar, History, Nuts & Bolts, Obscurities

Just for Fun: 100%

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August 12, 2024 · 12:15 AM

Norman Doors (Counter-Intuitive Designs)

I’ve written before about Donald Norman and his book, “The Design of Everyday Things”; he emphasizes the need for products to have user-centred designs. The term “Norman Door” comes from the typical example he uses about doors – an everyday item that can often lead to confusion for the user simply by putting pull handles on a push door.

I was thinking about it this week, wondering what the opposite term should be, as I was opening a container of whipping cream. The tetra package for whipping cream is a prime example of a poorly designed item for me: It inevitably oozes out while I try to rip it open along the perforated line. If they made the perforation easier to tear or put a scissor symbol making it clear that that would be the preferred method from the outset… but no. Other items that come to mind are the flip-tops of products, such as hand creams or shampoos, that nearly require a knife to open. What happens? You simply stop buying that product, which might be perfectly fine, because of the poorly designed packaging.

Tell me your ideas for a good term for bad designs – something catchy and catch-all (Norman Doors refers to doors only, but so far it’s worked in a pinch). In the meantime, here are a few examples of non-user-centred designs.

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Just for Fun: Shenanigans!

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July 31, 2024 · 12:39 AM