Before the diluting of the language through modern acronyms and text messages, insulting one’s foes was an art form in itself. Here are a few well-know gems:
“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder
“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many an obituary with a great deal of satisfaction.” Clarence Darrow
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
“That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
“He was distinguished for ignorance; for he had only one idea, and that was wrong.” – Benjamin Disraeli
“She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.” – Dorothy Parker
“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker
“What’s on your mind? If you’ll forgive the overstatement.” – Fred Allen
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain
“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain
“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..” – Oscar Wilde
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go..” – Oscar Wilde
“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating
“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” – Samuel Johnson
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop
“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
An exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, “If you were my husband I’d poison your tea.”
He said, “Madam, If you were my wife I’d drink it.”
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second…. if there is one.” – Winston Churchill, in response.
“Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” – Winston Churchill
“He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.” – P.G. Wodehouse
For me, reading a book is about escaping to a new world, diving into that world through the medium of the senses that are stimulated by well-chosen words, precision instruments that play a symphony of emotions, smells, sights, sounds, touches, tastes, balance and harmony. I’ve never really appreciated books that are written with gratuitous scenes of violence or sex; sometimes it seems to me (as a reader) that writers throw in scenes willy-nilly to spice things up or to patch over the fact that they haven’t researched and developed their characters thoroughly, or because they run out of plot ideas and just spin their wheels. Such scenes grate against my senses just as much as random punctuation or bad spelling does. If such elements are not organic, logical, and a natural development of the plot, they do not belong there. Period. It’s an insult to my intelligence and a brazen demand on my “believability credits” that is frankly not the author’s to demand… those credits are something that I as a reader give gladly to a good writer, but a writer has to earn them, and has no right to demand that I suspend disbelief to dive into their story when they haven’t bothered to make it believable. The writer’s job is to earn those credits through good writing, good writing, and good writing, i.e. plot, character development, grammar, syntax, orthography, and structure.
Stephanie Huesler 