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The Ultimate Final Exam

DIGITAL CAMERAAfter 11 months with an exchange student here with us, our life is now beginning to revert to its previous “business as usual” state.  That means that I can schedule my time, my days, and even weeks, and actually see those goals come within reach and grasp them.  It means that I can sit down at my computer, and write 10 hours straight if I’m on a roll!  It’s suspiciously quiet here now, but that does not mean something’s afoot this time… unless the cats are up to something.  With all of her exams through the school year, I was reminded of a list I’d seen years ago; when I shared a similar list in my previous post, I decided to track this one down and share it with you.

This ought to keep you entertained and out of trouble, while I dive into my fifth novel’s manuscript with a fresh eye (since I haven’t really seen hide or hair of it since April…!).  Enjoy, and have a great week!

Warning:  I take no responsibility for snorted drinks or explosions of anything out of your north or south ends

The Ultimate Final Exam

  Read each question carefully.  Answer all questions.    Time Limit: Four hours. 

 HISTORY:

Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa.  Be brief, concise and specific.

  GEOGRAPHY:

Predict the position of the tectonic plates as they will appear two billion years from now. Be prepared to prove your results.

  MEDICINE:

You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze and a bottle of Scotch.  Remove your appendix.  Do not suture until your work has been inspected.  You have fifteen minutes.

  BIOLOGY:

Create life.  Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system.  Prove your thesis.

  PUBLIC SPEAKING:

2500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom.  Calm them.  You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

  ART:

Give an objective analysis of the relative significance and quality of the works of the major artists of the past three millennia. Be specific, and prove your analysis with detailed examples.

  MUSIC:

Write a piano concerto.  Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum.  You will find a piano under your seat.

  PSYCHOLOGY:

Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment and repressed frustrations of each of the following:

  • Alexander of Aphrodisias
  • Ramses II
  • Gregory of Nicea
  • Hammurabi

Support your evaluation with quotations from each man’s work, making appropriate references.  It is not necessary to translate.

  SOCIOLOGY:

Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world.  Construct an experiment to test your theory.

  COMPUTER SCIENCE:

Write a program that will end world hunger and homelessness. You may use the computer console next to you, however use of a modem or any other communications device is prohibited, as is the use of electricity.

  ENGINEERING:

The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk.  You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room.  Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

  PHYSICS:

Explain the nature of matter.  Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.

  ASTRONOMY:

Create a miniature stellar fusion reaction, and describe in detail the effects of close-range stellar radiation on human flesh.

  POLITICAL SCIENCE:

There is a red telephone on the desk beside you.  Start World War III; report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.

  EPISTEMOLOGY:

Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position.

  RELIGIOUS STUDIES:

Prove or disprove the existence of God, without the use of religious texts over a century old. Be specific, and include a discussion on the possible true meanings and uses for the Tetragrammaton. Also be prepared show how your proof relates to the national debt and the Watergate scandal.

  ECONOMICS

Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt.  Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas:

  • Cubism
  • The Donatist controversy
  • The wave theory of light

Outline a method for preventing these effects.  Criticize this method from all possible points of view.  Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.

  PHILOSOPHY:

Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its significance.  Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

  GENERAL KNOWLEDGE:

Describe in detail.  Be objective and specific.

  EXTRA CREDIT:

Define the Universe; give three examples.

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Creative Writing over Christmas Holidays

I don’t know about the rest of you, but Christmas has snuck up on me this year!  Between publishing two books in November and all of the work involved in that process and the aftermath (promotion, etc.), I came up for breath last weekend, as I wrote about last week.  I took a short break, and now I’m beginning work on the next project (diving into research and scene layout).  But with Christmas coming up, it’s time to shift down a gear or two, and enjoy the season.  If you are a writer like me, writing can be addictive; it’s a good habit to write something every day.  But who says it needs to be a book manuscript, or whatever your next project or usual format is?  If you write poetry, try your hand at calligrams; if you write short stories, try writing an ambigram.  If you write constantly, take a break and read a book that has absolutely nothing to do with research or preparation for your next project!

Here are a few different styles to choose from, just to shake things up a bit:

  • Flash fiction (300-1,000 – word stories)

    One of my first calligrams; not very neat, but cathartic!

    One of my first calligrams; not very neat, but cathartic!

  • Short stories (fiction or nonfiction – limit yourself, e.g. to one page)
  • Nonfiction
  • Anecdotes
  • Jokes
  • Profiles
  • Travel writing
  • Children’s books
  • Screen writing
  • Play writing
  • Poetry
  • Freelance
  • Novel
  • Novella
  • Memoir
  • Autobiography
  • Biography
  • Song writing (lyrics, if you can’t write/read music)
  • Calligram (do a Google Image search to see examples)
  • Asemic writing
  • Book report
  • Fan fiction
  • Letter
  • Journal
  • Dialogue
  • Creative doodles (with or without words)
  • Cartoon strips
  • Ambigram
  • Micography (Microcalligraphy)
  • Concrete poetry (or any number of poetry styles – check out a small list here)
  • Haiku

 

 

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