These are priceless examples of creativity gone awry. I don’t know who originally wrote these gems or compiled them; if you know, please tell me so that I can give credit where credit is due!
21 Analogies Used by High School Students in English Essays
- “When she tried to sing, it sounded like a walrus giving birth to farm equipment.”
- “Her eyes twinkled, like the moustache of a man with a cold.”
- “She was like a magnet: Attractive from the back, repulsive from the front.”
- “The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one long slender leg behind her, like at dog at a fire hydrant.”
- “She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli and he was a room temperature Canadian beef.”
- “She had him like a toenail stuck in a shag carpet.”
- “The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.”
- “Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.”
- “Her eyes were like the stars, not because they twinkle, but because they were so far apart.”
- “His career was blowing up like a man with a broken metal detector walking through an active minefield.”
- “The sun was below the watery horizon, like a diabetic grandma easing into a warm salt bath.”
- “From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.”
- “It was as easy as taking candy from a diabetic man who no longer wishes to eat candy.”
- “She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes before it throws up.”
- “Their love burned with the fiery intensity of a urinary tract infection.”
- “It’s basically an illusion and no different than if I were to imagine something else, like Batman riding a flying toaster.”
- “If it was any colder, it would be like being in a place that’s a little colder than it is here.”
- “Joy fills her heart like a silent but deadly fart fills a room with no windows.”
- “The bird flew gracefully into the air like a man stepping on a landmine in zero gravity.”
- “He felt confused. As confused as a homeless man on house arrest.”
- “The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.”
I came across this poem online, but without crediting the author; so I went in search, found, and give them the credit they deserve for a clever piece!
Stephanie Huesler 