Tag Archives: Humour
Standing Up for Sitting Down
No, this is not an article about the pros and cons of the position you take while writing; but as a writer, I am fully aware that my job is mostly a sitting one… it’s hard to walk around writing or typing and not fall down the stairs. But there are a lot of pseudo-scientific articles circulating recently about how sitting is the worst thing for your body. I have news for you: Stress about worrying if you’re sitting too much is far worse for your body than your actual physical posture. Sit comfortably, sit straight and relaxed, and write creatively; take occasional breaks by getting up, moving around, stretching, and getting a hot cup of tea for the next round of writing! For a good dose of sarcasm on the topic, click on the image below!
Filed under Humor, Links to External Articles
Back in the Land of the Living
Last week I took a much-needed break from the computer after launching my latest novel, The Cardinal (Parts One & Two)! It is such a complex story with rich landscapes that it deserved the room to breathe and unfold, and so it became two novels, though that decision didn’t come until well into the second draft. When it was all said and done, I had formatted two books, twice each (one format for Kindle, one for paperback), designed four covers, written countless versions of blurbs, etc., and gone through the publication process four times. Trust me, I’d seen enough of my computer at that point to have a love-hate relationship with it for a while. During that break I managed to read five books in a week, not a single one of them research-related for the next project! I’ve since made peace with my computer, and I’m beginning work on the next novel – this time, back to the 18th century to complete the Northing Trilogy. I’m looking forward to exploring this new aspect of characters I already know well from the previous two novels; it will take me through the grime of workhouse orphanages and the salty brine of the British navy in the mid-18th century, and already the research questions accumulating portend at least one trip to London, which is one of my favourite cities anyway, and I’m sure you’ll hear more about that in the months to come.
The Three Culprits: Gandria, Caprino and Allegra (top to bottom)
With all of the push and shove of getting the books ready to publish, Christmas has snuck up on me! It hit home this weekend, literally, when we put up the Christmas decorations: Here in Switzerland it’s usual to put the Christmas tree and decorations up on Christmas Eve, so we’ve struck a compromise between our varying cultures and aim for the first Advent; it’s also a pragmatic compromise as, if we’re going to go to all that effort, we might as well enjoy it a bit. We went to the first Christmas market of the season, complete with hot wine punch, roasted chestnuts, and Christmas shopping. If any of you have cats, you’ll empathize with me on one point: As we walked through the market, again and again we saw things that we liked, “But…” A nice wind chime made of drift wood, stones and feathers in perfect balance? Cat toy. Ditto for the man-sized candle holder made of stones & driftwood. Scratching post. Now mind you, our cats are well-behaved, and they only scratch on their scratching post; but there’s probably too little of a difference to their perspective between the allowed version and the decorative, expensive version… Any cloth craft item is like catnip to our calico, Gandria – she carries off anything cloth she can get into her mouth (she’s even learned how to unzip my husband’s backpack; her favourite thing to steal is his tissue packs).
All of that just to say this: I have now re-entered the land of the living after having been sequestered with my book manuscripts in the final polish and publish phases. I’m more than ready for holidays, and blogging, writing, researching, plotting… in short, starting the next manuscript.
Filed under Articles, Humor, Publications
Imagining a Brighter World
Use your imagination for creating exciting new possibilities! And just to get you started, here’s a writing prompt:
Ye Olde Spelling Laziness
Have you ever wondered about the old-fashioned “ye” in shop signs? It was a lazy printer’s solution to saving space for “th”, and should be pronounced as “the”, not “yee”! The Old English character “y” was a graphic alteration of the Germanic rune “Þ” (which came over with the Viking raiders and the Norman King Canute and his rabble, but that’s another story). When English printing typefaces couldn’t supply the right kind of “P” they substituted the “Y” (close enough, right?). That practice continued into the 18th century, when it dropped out of use. By the 19th century it was revived as a deliberate antiquarianism – to give a shop a pedigree, so to speak (read “marketing scam”), and soon came to be mocked because of it. And now we think of it as the quaint way they used to write…
For a short, fun video on the topic, click on Ye Olde Web link, below.
Filed under History, Humor, Mistranslations, Nuts & Bolts, Translations
Anonymously Bad Grammar
The following sentences are taken verbatim from comments on unwitting websites; I’ve collected them as I’ve come across them since Autumn of 2013. Sometimes I couldn’t help myself and put my comments in parentheses; other comments there are simply reference to the context. I have dozens more, but certain things in life are better in small doses… 
- “Don’t look like you like didn’t eat it all” (man, late-50s)
- “I just havta buy some…” (woman, 18)
- (Headline): “Welfare Check Leads to Homicide Investigation” (Referring to a response of officers to check on a suspicious situation, and not a monetary cheque…)
- “I love London. Especially the countryside.” (face palm…not strictly bad grammar; just ignorance…)
- “Now this statement I like – we are Ameica and our language is English – you want6 to live hear learn our language. And go by our rules.” (Concerning a sign that said, “Welcome to America. Press 1 for English; Press 2 to disconnect until you learn English.” Clearly they missed grammar and spelling lessons.)
- “Lively up yourself.”
- “Who’s agree with us?”
- “Sorry hand finger bad cut bleeding after topaz scared and did it. sorry it not up in the morning. Sorry sorting it I hope” (Whaaat??)
- “I think it gonna b 2 these 4 me 2nite.” (Clearly.)
- “That is the days I go shopping even if I don’t buy nothing hoping the family left at home do something.” (Hopefully the family is learning better grammar than this mother did…)
Filed under Humor, Lists, Nuts & Bolts, Quotes
Vague Exactitude
Recently I asked my Facebook connections if they could help me with a Latin phrase; the phrase has to do with the computation of days in the Julian calendar (calends, ides, nones, etc.). Here is my exact post:
“Calling all Romance Language speakers (French, Italian, Spanish, etc.): Does the following phrase (any of its words) render something similar in your language, and if so, what do those words mean? The phrase is in Latin, “Principium mensis cujusque vocato kalendas” I understand the first and last words, but am curious about the three middle words… Thanks for any help.”
Quite a discussion ensued; but I still don’t know if there is an etymological equivalent or relative to “cujusque.” One person suggested the connection of mensis (month) with the medical term – which I should have thought of as the German slang term is “Mens” for women’s monthly cycle. But all other entries tried to help me with the first and last word, and I spent more time explaining my request than I saved by asking in the first place.
This is a trend I’ve noticed on the rise on Facebook in particular, but I am aware that it’s also happening across Cyberland; too often people skim over a text and assume they’ve understood it well enough to make an informed contribution to a discussion. It’s harmless when it only has to do with topics of grammar and language; but when it also enters the formation process of people’s opinions in the political or social arenas, society beware. I usually ignore such discussions with a healthy dose of eye-rolling; but sometimes I have to intervene in the propagation of half-baked ignorance, or I won’t be able to sleep at night.
The illustration is a perfect example of this vague exactitude; people took the time to reply, but they did not take the time to properly read, to inform themselves of the actual task at hand. I have only two words to add: STOP IT!
Filed under Articles
Illiterate? Read These Ads…
Once in a while I come across ads that hit my funny bone; Some are simply not thought through as far as double meanings are concerned, while others are just downright bizarre. My all-time favourite is the used tombstone: Just the fact of it begs questions, but the name nearly pulled a muscle in my side from my laughing so hard…
Filed under Images
How To Boost Your Focus
I’m probably the most organised person I know; I’m not OCD about it, I just work better when things are organised. Writing a book means that I accumulate bits and pieces of information, research facts, website links, editing tips, formatting guidelines, historical trivia that I can integrate into my plot (but only if I can find it when I get there), maps, diagrams, lists of names in various languages, grammar points to remember (I’ve made up a word for “points to remember” – poitrems – you heard it here first), How-To cheat-sheets for PhotoShop, publication checklists (pre- and post-), Shelfari to-dos, and… need I continue? I’m just getting started. And that’s my point. If I’m not organised, I’ll waste half my day looking for something… where did I put that note about the dimensions of a modern casket? Was it hot arsenic or cyanide that smells like garlic? Are blue diamonds more valuable than pure white? What kind of micro-organism poops arsenic? A friend of mine complimented me one day when I told her some of the things I was researching; she said, “You’re just weird.” And it’s something my husband repeats fondly on a regular basis.
So, I’d like to share a few of my organisational tips with you:
1) Know thyself. Know your weaknesses (You know, those distractions, procrastination excuses, time-eating habits like “just checking into Facebook for a minute before I sit down to write” and an hour later you’re hungry, then you see that the kitchen needs cleaning… you know who you are.). Recognize those time-wasters, and nip them in the bud before they mushroom into a day wasted. Keep your cell phone at a safe distance; wear earplugs if you need to; turn on music if it helps you focus, turn it off if it distracts you. Write down points to research and only dive into research when you have 5 items on the list (and stay away from time-monster sites like Facebook and Youtube while you’re working!)
2) Find a system that works for you. I organise my notes, etc. in various ways: I have pocket-sized Moleskin books for quick reference character profiles, lists of words, family trees of characters, etc.; I also have lined notebooks with those heavy-duty post-it tabs labelling the sections (that are well-spaced apart for future additions); I write the section names on the front and back of those tabs so that I can find it from either way the notebook lands on my desk. For instance, one notebook I always have at hand has sections like publications, pre- & post- publication to-dos, paperback formatting checklist, KDP guidelines, CreateSpace guidelines, grammar, PhotoShop Elements helps, editing checklists, proofing checklists, Beta checklists, and step-by-step guides for various publication formats. Another notebook I keep on hand has things like time-related notes (Julian calendar terms, Ages [Stone Age = ~6,000-2,000 BC], etc.), medical notes (that’s where I put that note about modern casket dimensions), glossaries for archaeological terms, 18th century England notes, lists of museum curators’ names, phone numbers and emails, etc. Besides notebooks, I keep “cards” – here’s an example (to the right): I type up the information in PowerPoint, then save each “card” to .jpg format through MS Paint. These cards are then saved onto my Tab through Dropbox, and Bob’s your uncle, I’ve got them handy whether I’m writing on the couch, on holiday, or in a café.
3) Learn to focus. I’ve recently found a great way to focus better through those hours of the day and night when I know I’m going to be most distracted: It’s called Focus Booster. It’s basically a timer on your desktop that counts down time increments, with an additional break-time at the end of each cycle. The standard unit of time is 25/5, though you can adjust it to your rhythm. The thinking is that anyone can focus on a given task for 25 minutes, even those who struggle with ADD. In using it, I’ve realized how often I get distracted by a thought that comes into my mind while writing and I get up to do something quickly. This way, I stay working for a solid amount of time, and use that 5 minutes to switch gears and get other things done; it’s amazing how much you can get accomplished in 30 minutes. I’d encourage you to download it and give it a try if you struggle with concentration. Here’s a second card I’ve made with the basic principles for the Booster.
Those are just a few ideas; if you struggle with a specific area, or would like suggestions on dealing with specific challenges in focusing, just ask away! Focus well, and your writing will flow so much more smoothly and swiftly.
Filed under Articles, Nuts & Bolts, Research, Writing Exercise
Stephanie Huesler 