I had to share this! As Mark Twain once said, “The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.” In this case, it’s the difference between a home run and a strike…
Category Archives: Images
Knowing Jack Schitt
This piece of writing has been floating around cyberspace for quite some time; I’ve tried to track down just who is responsible for it, with no luck [Note, November 2024: It was written by Jim Hickerson, as a fun email among co-workers back in 1998. See links to explanation and to the credits page]. It’s so tongue-in-cheek, your tongue may permanently stay there, and I dare you not to think of the whole family tree the next time you hear any of the associated phrases!
Who is Jack Schitt?
The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says “You don’t know Jack Schitt.” Now you can intellectually handle the situation.
Jack is the son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents’ objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.
However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.
She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt. Two other of the six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. She’d had a pet dog, a mastiff who was known in the region by his Chinese name, Ho Le Schitt, because he ate small gangsters for breakfast; she couldn’t afford to feed him in her new country, so she left him where his food supply would not run out.
So now when someone says, “You don’t know Jack Schitt,” you can correct them.
O. Schitt – this tree doesn’t quite match the lineage above. O. Well. Image Credit: Nobleworkscards.com
SWOT Analysis in Fiction
Writing fiction often brings the writer to a crossroads: Should I take my character(s) down this road or that? Will they decide this or that, and what will the consequences of either choice or decision be? Which would fit best into my plot? All of these questions can be answered by applying a corporate business tool called the SWOT analysis chart. I have this baby hung on a magnet strip near my desk, along with other prompts such as the sensory image, and I apply it frequently. Just last week I faced a crossroads: Would A) my character run away, or would B) another character (or C) take her away? On the latter question, I had another two options (thus, B & C); I needed the SWOT.
This image shows you the variables of each option; internal vs. external influences or attributes of a situation or choice; helpful vs. harmful in reaching the character’s goals, or the consequences of the choices laid before you. What are the Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats of each path at your character’s feet?
I’ll give you the example of my thought process as I applied it to my historical novel’s fictional situation: If my character ran away (A) , the strength would be that she would be taking her destiny into her own hands – it’s what you want your main character to do; the threat would be that such an action might raise assumptions that would damage her reputation (was she pregnant?). The opportunity of doing things in her own timing was overshadowed by the weakness of practicalities: How would she, without support, get from her family’s estate to Portsmouth, at least a good half-day’s journey by carriage? If the “B” character (her mother) took her to Portsmouth, the main character would be passive in the decision – the action would happen to her rather than her controlling or causing it. The opportunity of solving the weakness of “A” by giving her a ride to Portsmouth was a strong incentive, but would raise a bigger threat in that it might seem like the mother was being just as manipulative as the father, forcing the main character into making a choice to suit the mother, which wasn’t the case. If “C”, her future husband, came to sweep her away from the problems at home, again it would seem that the main female character wasn’t strong on her own two feet, or was too pliable and passive.
I took each scenario through the SWOT rigorously, and in the end I decided – well, when the book comes out next year, you can find out for yourself!
Applying such tools helps you focus your energies on finding solutions, rather than finding yourself stuck in writer’s block.
Filed under Articles, Images, Nuts & Bolts, Plot Thots & Profiles, Research, Writing Exercise
Truth into Fiction
Sometimes truth is more fascinating, more adventurous than fiction. Sometimes a news article becomes a spark for a fictional story. One of the greatest films of all time, Titanic, took its cue from real life; many books and films are based on real life stories, mysteries, narrow escapes, historical events and experiences. The best kinds of story sparks are those things which capture our imagination; not only best for the reader, but also for the writer – for if you are not excited by and captivated by what you’re writing about, researching and investigating, how do you expect a reader to be excited or captivated by it? Personally, history has always fascinated me; I wonder, “What would it be like to walk among them?” or “What would it be like to discover these events as a modern archaeologist?” I explored such a theme in my novels, “The Cardinal“.
Here are a few historical sparks that might capture your imagination; just click on each image to link to the article:
Artifacts from the Battle of the Egadi Islands, ca. 240 BC
The City of Heracleion, Plunged into the Sea
China’s Atlantis: Shi Cheng
The Skulls of Sac Uayum
An Ancient Roman Shipwreck Reveals Medicinal Remedies
Filed under History, Images, Lists, Nuts & Bolts, Plot Thots & Profiles, Research, Writing Exercise
The Psychology of Colour
I was recently talking with someone, and the topic of the psychology of colours came up in connection with health care; it got me thinking about how it could be applied to practical applications, as well as writing fiction. My particular practical application is crocheting hats to donate to the local cancer patient clinics, and I wanted to know which colours would be more appropriate.
In writing fiction, colours play an important part as well; they help set the scene: Is it a dark and gloomy scene? Don’t choose pink or pastels – unless you want to make it a creepy-gloomy scene. The colour of the sky, the grass, the sand, living room walls, a person’s eyes – they all help set the stage, or paint the backdrop of your fictional character’s life, situations, or the overall tone of the book; it can also help establish your character’s personality: Are they a compassionate, stable person? Perhaps beige combined with a bit of pink. Is your character blind, (figuratively or literally)? Red is the easiest colour for a visually impaired person to see, so accent their home in red. You get the idea! Advertisers have been using the psychology of colours to manipulate consumers for decades; the more we understand the application of colour, the more we can see through the tactic and at the same time apply it to our writing. Here are a few images to consider as you think into this topic and apply it to your own fictional characters.
Filed under Images, Nuts & Bolts, Plot Thots & Profiles, Writing Exercise
Bottoms Up!
I came across this poem online, but without crediting the author; so I went in search, found, and give them the credit they deserve for a clever piece!
Worst Day Ever?
By Chanie Gorkin
Today was the absolute worst day ever
And don’t try to convince me that
There’s something good in every day
Because, when you take a closer look,
This world is a pretty evil place.
Even if
Some goodness does shine through once in a while
Satisfaction and happiness don’t last.
And it’s not true that
It’s all in the mind and heart
Because
True happiness can be obtained
Only if one’s surroundings are good.
It’s not true that good exists
I’m sure you can agree that
The reality
Creates
My attitude
It’s all beyond my control.
And you’ll never in a million years hear me say that
Today was a good day.
Now read it from bottom to top, the other way,
And see what I really feel about my day.
