
Category Archives: Grammar
Style Sheets, and the Recipe of Writing for Recipes
The Nitty Gritty
I have hundreds of recipes pinned to dozens of Pinterest boards, so I come across a wide range of offerings. Nowadays, the images have to be perfectly lit and photoshopped to make them look appealing; it’s like sugar in pre-packaged foods… we’ve gotten so used to the artificial visual flavour that if a photo were undoctored in some way, it would be glaringly out of place. But what is often missing is the same attention to detail in the writing. I’ve seen “tablespoon” misspelt a few ways, or the abbreviations as Tbs., tb, tbs, tbsp, T., etc. So which one is correct? And do the forms or the etiquette of choices differ between print and online versions?
I pulled out a cross-section of cookbooks in my library and thumbed through them; I took older, newer, American and British, and I scoured online recipe sites like Betty Crocker; here’s what I discovered:
- When writing a cookbook for a printed version, editors/publishers tend to write out the entire word [tablespoon, teaspoon, cup, pound, ounce, etc.].
- The two most standard contractions for tablespoon are Tbs. and tbsp. They can be ended with a period or not; I would tend to do it so that the contraction looks intentional and not a typo! I grew up learning Tbs. for tablespoon and tsp. for teaspoon. To each his own.
- Blogs that are a collection of recipes, or allow contribution from subscribers, will have a hodgepodge of abbreviations and contractions because it’s simply too difficult to keep on top of such issues. Even professional sites such as Betty Crocker have gotten sloppy about it; for example, they often (but not always) spell out words like tablespoon, and then suddenly revert to contractions for pounds and ounce within the same recipe. Consistency should be the golden standard if nothing else is.
- Recipe instructions are written in the imperitive mood (bake this, stir that, knead this, eat with that, etc.). You’ll never find 1st, 2nd or 3rd person pronouns within the instructions of a recipe; at most, you’ll find them in the short intro before a recipe begins.
- In a printed book, NEVER does a recipe instruction include the ramblings about the cat in the kitchen, or what you changed about the recipe, or what you’re doing that’s unrelated to the topic at hand. If you’re writing a personal blog, that’s a matter of personal preference; I tend to want the recipe itself streamlined to make it easier to read on the fly in the kitchen, but maybe that’s just pragmatic ol’ me. If there are additional notes or something I’ve changed about a recipe for my own blog, I tend to put that in the introduction and not in the actual recipe, but there’s not a set rule – it depends on where it’s warranted or relevant.
As with any kind of writing, some things are a matter of personal preference; at that point, where there is no one grammar rule to apply, the most important thing is to be consistent throughout the manuscript.
Style Sheets
If you’re thinking of writing a cookbook (or any other manuscript for that matter!), I would recommend keeping what is called a style sheet; this is used in publishing houses where several people will have the manuscript in hand at some point; this sheet prevents someone else from undoing choices – they can look at the style sheet and know that it was an intentional decision, and leave it; otherwise the risk is that one man’s capital is another man’s lower case, and so on.
As an author, the style sheet is my running list of decisions to keep me on track as I write; it can include sections for punctuation (have I decided to go with British or American English punctuation for things like Mr / Mr.?), unusual capitalisations (for me, one issue was when to capitalise “sir” as a substitute for a proper name – I could always refer to my sheet when in doubt), abbrevitation/contraction choices, etc. It could also include a record of my choice of fonts, spacing between sections, indentations, and so on. I have a section for my “cast of characters” – to remember how I’ve spelled a name, or what I’ve named an infrequent cast member. I might include an abbreviated description of a character so that I don’t give them green eyes in chapter one, and blue eyes in chapter ten. What you can include in your style sheet is endless… foreign terms/spellings, reminders to check validity of hyperlinks, punctuations such as en- and em-dashes, how you’ve written specific gadgets (capitalised or not, hyphened or not, etc.). Below is a basic style sheet template to get you started.
No matter what you’re working on, hone your craft, and keep writing!

Filed under Articles, Grammar, Nuts & Bolts
The Glorious Chaos of English
English, in many ways, is one of the simplest languages to learn quickly and in which to converse fluently; but scratching below the surface one rapidly finds incongruities. As a teacher for English as a foreign language for adults (TEFLA), I was frequently confronted with the challenges of teaching students to spell and pronounce words correctly, but I was also comforted by the fact that English nouns only come with four possible preceding cases, or articles (a, an, the, and none), rather than, say, German, in which each noun has a nominative, genative, dative or accusative, singular or plural form of their case; or Finnish, which has a whopping 15 cases.
The Chaos, a poem written by the Dutch traveller & teacher, Gerard Nolst Trenité (1870–1946), gives ~800 examples of irregular spelling. In general one can say that there are spelling “rules”, but English, in all its historic complexities of absorbing, digesting and recycling influences from conquerors, enemies, travelling companions and allies, seems designed to say “rules can and will be broken”. I would never give his last advice to anyone – but after reading this poem, you’ll understand that English needs tenacity and constant practice to use well!
The Chaos
by G. Nolst Trenite’ a.k.a. “Charivarius” 1870 – 1946
Dearest creature in creation
Studying English pronunciation,
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse
I will keep you, Susy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye your dress you’ll tear,
So shall I! Oh, hear my prayer,
Pray, console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!
Just compare heart, beard and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written).
Made has not the sound of bade,
Say said, pay-paid, laid, but plaid.
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as vague and ague,
But be careful how you speak,
Say break, steak, but bleak and streak.
Previous, precious, fuchsia, via,
Pipe, snipe, recipe and choir,
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery:
Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles.
Exiles, similes, reviles.
Wholly, holly, signal, signing.
Thames, examining, combining
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war, and far.
From “desire”: desirable–admirable from “admire.”
Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier.
Chatham, brougham, renown, but known.
Knowledge, done, but gone and tone,
One, anemone. Balmoral.
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel,
Gertrude, German, wind, and mind.
Scene, Melpomene, mankind,
Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather,
Reading, reading, heathen, heather.
This phonetic labyrinth
Gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth.
Billet does not end like ballet;
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet;
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Banquet is not nearly parquet,
Which is said to rime with “darky.”
Viscous, Viscount, load, and broad.
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation’s O.K.,
When you say correctly: croquet.
Rounded, wounded, grieve, and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive, and live,
Liberty, library, heave, and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven,
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the difference, moreover,
Between mover, plover, Dover,
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police, and lice.
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label,
Petal, penal, and canal,
Wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal.
Suit, suite, ruin, circuit, conduit,
Rime with “shirk it” and “beyond it.”
But it is not hard to tell,
Why it’s pall, mall, but Pall Mall.
Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron,
Timber, climber, bullion, lion,
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, and chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor,
Ivy, privy, famous, clamour
And enamour rime with hammer.
Pussy, hussy, and possess,
Desert, but dessert, address.
Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants.
Hoist, in lieu of flags, left pennants.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rime with anger.
Neither does devour with clangour.
Soul, but foul and gaunt but aunt.
Font, front, won’t, want, grand, and grant.
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say: finger.
And then: singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, age.
Query does not rime with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post; and doth, cloth, loth;
Job, Job; blossom, bosom, oath.
Though the difference seems little,
We say actual, but victual.
Seat, sweat; chaste, caste.; Leigh, eight, height;
Put, nut; granite, and unite.
Reefer does not rime with deafer,
Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late,
Hint, pint, Senate, but sedate.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific,
Tour, but our and succour, four,
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, guinea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria,
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean,
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion with battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay.
Say aver, but ever, fever.
Neither, leisure, skein, receiver.
Never guess–it is not safe:
We say calves, valves, half, but Ralph.
Heron, granary, canary,
Crevice and device, and eyrie,
Face but preface, but efface,
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust, and scour, but scourging,
Ear but earn, and wear and bear
Do not rime with here, but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, clerk, and jerk,
Asp, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation–think of psyche–!
Is a paling, stout and spikey,
Won’t it make you lose your wits,
Writing “groats” and saying “grits”?
It’s a dark abyss or tunnel,
Strewn with stones, like rowlock, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict, and indict!
Don’t you think so, reader, rather,
Saying lather, bather, father?
Finally: which rimes with “enough”
Though, through, plough, cough, hough, or tough?
Hiccough has the sound of “cup.”
My advice is–give it up!
Filed under Articles, Cartoon, Grammar, Nuts & Bolts, Quotes, Writing Exercise
Euphemisms
Language is a fluid concept, constantly changing, adapting, creating, compensating and inventing itself. Euphemisms are a prime example of that fluctuation and adaptation; successive generations come to know only the euphemism which in turn ceases to be one by that very definition, and which means that new ones will be invented to skirt the issue once again. For instance, there are hundreds of words for smell or stink, yet only a handful of satisfactory synonyms for words like fragrance, simply because hiding the ugly requires far more creativity than hiding the lovely. For that reason alone, writers who fall back on expletives like the highly offensive F-word (a euphemism for, well, you know) are simply lazy in my book; they’re missing a great opportunity for creativity! Interestingly, that word’s meaning has never shifted over time – it’s been in the English language since before the fifteenth century, and even then it was only written in cipher because it was too offensive to record in ink. In my opinion it still is, and one should consider very carefully before offending unknown numbers of readers from continuing to read your book or blog; more than once have I ended reading a book when they used the word several times in the course of the first few chapters, because honestly it says something about the extent of their language abilities and their spectrum (or lack thereof) of creativity.
As a society’s norms shift, so do the euphemisms that they use to communicate. In the Renaissance, corpulent women were considered the height of beauty; curvy, curvaceous, and shapely were instances of positive euphemisms; today they might be used by some idiot in the media to insult a Hollywood starlet who (by any other standard would be considered normal if not a little thin) gained a pound or two. Now idiot might be too strong a word; I could say brain cell-deficient, or someone who has delusions of adequacy. I would like to point out the obvious here: If you’re going to insult someone, at least spell it right… more often than not, you see people calling someone “dumn” or “dumm”, which smacks of the pot calling the kettle black…
For an interesting TED Talk (13:00) on the topic of euphemisms, please click here.
Filed under Articles, Cartoon, Etymology, Grammar, Nuts & Bolts, Writing Exercise
Merisms
Merisms are figures of speech in which a single thing is implied by stating several elements of it, usually contrasting concepts or parts, used to refer to an entirety; the elements can be literal or metaphorical. They are striking features in ancient Biblical poetry, such as “The God of heaven and earth” meaning of everything (the universe). Here are a few more:
here and there
here and now
life and death
body and soul
the length and breadth
high and low
ladies and gentlemen
young and old
rich and poor
kind and cruel
smart and stupid
from A to Z
Alpha and Omega
The beginning and the end
lock, stock and barrel
day and night
left and right
bag and baggage
the whole kit and caboodle
Can you think of any others?
Filed under Cartoon, Grammar, Nuts & Bolts, Writing Exercise
Paraprosdokians. Parawhat?
Paraprosdokian is not a word I would readily remember. I can even admit freely I’d never heard of it until recently. Maybe I’m just weird, but I can remember a word much better if I know where it came from; this one actually makes sense: (Greek) para– meaning “against”, and prosdokaō meaning “I expect.” Against expectations. It’s not actually that old, and is thought of by some linguists as a bogus term; but there are a lot of words that have crept into the English language on just such a pretext, and have hung around for centuries (thereby gaining loyalty from linguists). I’d say that sounds like a bit of cosmic humour.
A Paraprosdokian is a phrase or sentence that ends with an unexpected twist. Now it may be as common as rain where you live, but not here. I tend to think of these sentences as one-liners, and with good reason – this figure of speech is popular with comedians as it’s short and ends on a punch. Some Paraprosdokians use a familiar phrase and twist the ending such as the first sentence (“Where there’s a will, there’s a way”). So I say, call them what you will – just use them well!
Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
I sleep eight hours a day and at least ten at night. (Bill Hicks)
The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list.
Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing – after they have tried everything else. (Winston Churchill)
If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
I don’t belong to an organized political party. I’m a Democrat. (Will Rogers)
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
They begin the evening news with Good Evening, then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother. (Variations on this phrase are attested as early as 1884.)
There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
If I am reading this graph correctly… I’d be very surprised. (Stephen Colbert)
I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long. (Mitch Hedberg)
Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.
I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, notify, I put DOCTOR.
I like going to the park and watching the children run around because they don’t know I’m using blanks. (Emo Philips)
I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
He was at his best when the going was good. (Alistair Cooke on the Duke of Windsor)
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit, the target.
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it. (Groucho Marx)
A modest man, who has much to be modest about. (Winston Churchill, about Clement Attlee)
If I could just say a few words… I’d be a better public speaker.
She was good as cooks go, and as cooks go she went.
Filed under Articles, Cartoon, Grammar, Humor, Nuts & Bolts
Stop Apostrophe Abuse
Okay, grammar pet peeve time: Apostrophe abuse. It needs to stop. Now.
There are only two instances in the English language in which apostrophes are used:
1) Contractions, as in: you are = you’re, or have not = haven’t, or I am = I’m. Just keep in mind that the apostrophe takes the place of the missing letter(s); if you take a letter out to combine (contract) two words together, place the apostrophe where the missing letter would have been written.
2) Possessives, as in: Steve’s hat (the hat belongs to Steve), or today’s specials (specials on for today)

Alway’s there for us. Who is Alway?
Never, I repeat NEVER should an apostrophe be used to indicate a plural!! Never, EVER. If you see it used as a plural, it’s wrong – even if it’s on a tombstone (see the image below). 
In the illustration on the right, “Alway’s there for us,” it obviously means “Alway is there for us.” But who is Alway? I thought Mary was trying to rest in peace here… It’s just wrong on so many levels, because it’s not even a plural (which they were aiming for), but an adverb.
Let’s (as in “let us”) look at another very common mistake: 1) it vs. 2) it’s vs. 3) its:
1) “It” is fairly straightforward; it is the third person singular pronoun (used in place of a noun) for objects or gender-neutral references; e.g. The chair is red = It is red.
2) “It’s” is the contracted form of “it is”, as in It’s raining or “it has”, as in It’s been a long time since we saw each other last.
3) “Its” is the possessive form of the third person singular pronoun: “the dog’s paws” = “its paws” REMEMBER: You would never spell “his shirt” as “hi’s shirt”, or “her skirt” as “he’r skirt”; in the same way you should never use the contracted form as the possessive form of it.
It’s not “CD’s” or “DVD’s” as the plural form; this is actually the possessive (which therefore requires an object for that subject’s possessive form, as in the CD’s case), and I find myself asking, “CD’s what?”
If you want more examples, from tombstones to shop signs to tattoos that are embarrassingly wrong, take a look at www.apostropheabuse.com. Okay, pet peeve appeased. Glad to get that off my chest.
Filed under Articles, Cartoon, Grammar, Nuts & Bolts, Writing Exercise
Animal Idioms
I love idioms; they bring abstract concepts to life with vivid imagery, and range from the practical to the hilarious. If I said someone was clumsy, that’s all clear and well enough; but if I said they were as clumsy as a cow on rollerskates? I think you know where that one’s going… Here are a just few of my favourite animal idioms:
“to be as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs” – very nervous
“to bark up the wrong tree” – to be mistaken in one’s goals or focus
“to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed” – to be eager, lively (especially at unexpected times, e.g. morning)
“to have ants in the pants” – to be jittery, excited, animated, hyper
“to cry wolf” – to rouse others to action when it is not necessary
“to be raining cats and dogs” – to be raining hard
“in two shakes of a lamb’s tail” – very quickly
“to look a gift horse in the mouth” – to scrutinize or criticize a gift or an offer to help, etc.
“to look like something the cat dragged in” – to be very ill, to look ill
“not enough room to swing a cat” – a tight space, a small room
“to buy a pig in a poke” – to buy something without having seen its quality first (German: “die Katze im Sack kaufen”, or “to buy a cat in a sack”)
“to cast pearls before swines” – to waste one’s efforts or investments on worthless schemes or people
“to fight like cats and dogs” – to fight with someone (regularly, or vehemently)
Filed under Grammar, Images, Nuts & Bolts, Research, Writing Exercise





